Apologies and forgiveness

So we teach our kids to say I'm sorry when they hurt someone. I hope you, like me, you teach your kids to say it if they cause physical or emotional pain. I personally know that I don't tell my kids that its ok to say "I'm sorry but". We've actually talked about that since I have a kid on the autism spectrum. His neuro issues, well, sometimes Roman doesn't "get" social aspects of things so we do alot of explaining. I've had to sit and explain that when you apologize to someone it is because even if you didn't mean to hurt someone, you did - so you're sorry your actions or words hurt them. Even if it was a total accident.
We talked about the "but"...

I'm sorry but....
I'm sorry but - you didn't give me enough notice. I'm sorry but you misunderstood the situation. I'm sorry but I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry but I had to do what I did. I'm sorry but gosh, get over it, its no big deal.
Sounds pretty lame huh? Doesn't make the other person feel any better right? So why do it? The only reason is to make yourself feel better. Because if someones feelings are hurt, they're hurt. Feelings are valid.
In my humble opinion only of course.

If you knocked someone down on the street you'd help them up and be sincerely sorry that you injured them. Isn't it the same when you knock someone down emotionally? This is how I described it to my boy.

What about the other stuff ? Like when someone hurts you but doesn't apologize because they have no idea that they hurt you. Alot of folks just carry that around, get resentful or do passive agressive stuff, or get mad about stuff that has nothing to do with the actual hurt - instead of just telling their friend, coworker, husband, wife, cousin, sister, mom - hey, what you did/said etc...that hurt my feelings. Why don't we tell them? Because we get met with the "but". I'm sorry... but.... or maybe that person won't love us anymore?be our friend anymore? is it true friendship/relationship if there is no honesty?

My kids and I talk alot about this stuff because it happens to us alot lol. I think because we follow the bible. Now I"m not going to get all Jesus freak on you, so hang on and keep reading. Its not a Christian thing, its a human thing.

Deb - hope you don't mind, but I'm going to use you as an example for a sec.
My sister Debbie. So years ago I hurt her. I did. It sucked. I knew it would hurt her because I knew she would step up and do what I couldn't do. It would suck for her. I felt I had no choice so I did what I had to do. You could (and many did) say I was selfish. Years later I just knew that in order for us to be somewhat ok in our relationship I had to tell her I was sincerely sorry. Because I WAS !! I never meant to hurt her. I wished it could've been different. But it DID hurt her. And it was stupid to go on pretending it didn't hurt her. It was more selfish to pretend *I* didn't hurt her. I did. My actions, even if I could have not done anything different for myself, they hurt her. And she is important to me. I love her. Hell, I even LIKE her. So the only thing to do was say - you know what? I KNOW I hurt you. I acknowledge that I chose to do something that hurt you. I knew what I was doing, I did it because it was best for ME even if it hurt YOU. I was young, I made a crappy choice. Today maybe I could've come up with a smarter plan. I ran away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I really truly am. I love you. I wish I could take it back. I hope you can forgive me. It was honest. It was the truth. I will never anything like it to anyone again. Ever. Not to someone I love. I'll find a better way. If nothing else, I learned to talk about it- to own it - to say I'm sorry when I hurt someone I love. And I hope for forgiveness. If I hurt someone i hope they'll forgive me. If someone hurts me I forgive them. This is what we're supposed to be doing as humans. Learning, loving, forgiving.

Ok - so thats a HUGE example of "I'm sorry". I've done it. Its hard. Usually its not such a big thing. Usually its forgetting someones birthday, or helping someone feel left out, or hurting someones feelings with an offhand remark... little things. Much easier to apologize for those you'd think. But the big stuff just sits there too. Because if you tell someone your feelings are hurt or you still have old stuff you're working thru there is a chance they'll tell you to get over it or get out. Is that person really someone who loves you if they'd say that? huh. What if you told your spouse they hurt you and they said get over it or get out lol - that'd work. not. when its between two lovers we assume if one is hurt, one will apologize, discussion will happen - apology, forgiveness. But someone between friends, parent and child, we are 'allowed' to just make excuses?

I say I'm sorry to my husband. My friends . I actually apologized this week to a friend for asking her to listen to me vent... again. lol. I don't think it's a bad thing when people are important to you and you hurt them. Because we are humans. We screw up all the time and hurt each other. We practically bounce off walls hurting each other by accident. And I'm absolutely blown away and how folks will not own it. Will not apologize. This past few months when I've told people who I've cared about that I've been hurt by something they have said or done I 've been met with ...
"I will not make apologies for my actions"..... "I'm sorry you feel that way".....
and only once did someone actually say they were sorry. Tho I think it was an automatic reaction because the person was so shocked I'd actually have the crazy thought to say "Hey, you are my friend and you hurt my feelings" please don't do that. Most people aren't stupid. When you hurt them, they know it. Most folks just don't have the strength to tell you that you hurt them and they're too afraid you'll say that you misunderstood, sorry you feel that way, I didn't mean to do that, you over reacted etc. But hey, you know your feelings. When they're hurt they're hurt. Better to be honest and tell your friend, husband, cousin, - 'that hurt my feelings'. and better if you did the hurting to say 'holy crap, I honestly did not mean to hurt you, I'm so sorry that hurt you. I love you and will try not to do it again.

Or - end the fake relationship if its not worth it.

When my son hit his buddy with the sword in the eye - he immediately said "I'm sorry!" and his buddy said "Why did you do that?". And my son looked shocked and said "I SO didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. I'd never hurt you on purpose!". And it was honest. And he meant it. And so his friend forgave him and they went back to playing. I told him later what a great job he did apologizing when he screwed up. lol. I wonder if his friend was the one who poked HIM in the eye - if it was reversed, if his friend apologized, if Roman would have forgiven him as quickly. I sure hope so.

I wonder why adults can't do that even tho our stuff is so much bigger. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I'd never hurt you on purpose. I'll be more careful next time.

Why aren't we more careful with peoples hearts.

if you're looking for me today.. on FB or texting me...

Um... I have no phone now. Ok, I have a phone but its not working cuz my beautiful helpful daughter went to get me my new upgraded sim card not realizing that they'd shut off my phone lol. So i'm at work with a phone with no service and my new handy dandy sim card is at home. I'll have it back on in about an hour and a half, but if you've tried to call, text or FB me in the past couple of hours I've not gotten it - thowwy lol

I am posting on FB through my blog (again) since I can't access FB on my puter at work, and now have no phone to get on FB lol

Try me after 4pm and I"ll respond I promise

Yah, its been a rough couple of days lol

Christmas angels, cancer walk, Chanukah, peanut brittle and advent

We try to practice giving throughout the year - from tithing to donating whenever possible, helping folks when they need a hand, helping friends move or watching their kids here and there - whatever we can do when we can do it. When we got child support for Chelsey (after she turned 18 -wow that took forever), we decided to use a part of it to sponsor a child thru Compassion International. Every year at Christmas we make a box of like new toys, books and clothing to bring to the Central Arizona Shelter. We're trying to teach our children about giving and the joy it can bring and how blessed we are - even when we're "broke".

This year has been a bit tougher then usual financially for us but of course the Lord always provides. Ooma (gramma) and I had talked about finding a way to donate to a child in need this year - but with things being a bit 'tight', my recent surgery and some added stress on the kids, I wasn't sure this year it was feasible for several reasons.

Ok - so this is where GOD comes in. I'm sitting at my desk at work today and an office-wide email comes in called "Christmas Angels" - I open it to see that our agency raised quite a bit of money through the year for gifts for this program. And all they needed was ... shoppers!!! I emailed the woman and received two envelopes with money so my kids can go to the mall, pick gifts for a child in need and shop for that child. They get to learn about giving, buying for a child who is less fortunate - and its in the budget because the agency fundraisers provide the cash to buy the toys. I just give the receipt(s) back to them from the Angels program to show its been done.

The kids are really excited to be able to do this. Zoey is sleeping over at Oomas tonight to do the CAncer walk - http://www.twccaz.org/events/cancerconnectionswalk2010.aspx and when they get back tomorrow we'll all go to the mall to be Christmas angels. I'm also so thankful to Ooma for taking Zoey with her on this walk - another great opportunity to support and show our love for all those struggling with cancer in our family, in our city, in our world.

I'm so excited to be able to participate in this program this year. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to give when I didn't think we'd be able to this year. !

For those who don't know we celebrate both Chanukah and advent and Christmas. We are lighting our candles every night and singing the blessings with some small gifts (90% off last year lol) and our advent calendar is filled with family activities - making gingerbread guy, setting up the outdoor nativity, visiting Santa up the street, making tortilla snowflakes, watching our favorite holiday movies, roasting marshmallows in the fire - that sort of thing. The kids are really into it this year, talking about the miracle of the oil and then talking about the nativity story.
Its really very cool as we talk about the gifts we've been given and how blessed we are.

Tomorrow we'll make peanut brittle before we shop for friends, family and coworkers and I'll wrap more gifts. I shop all year so am done and just get my kids a few things black friday. My shopping was pretty much done by summer and thank goodness for that too , we always seem to get 'hit' in November and December with additional expenses. What is up with that !?!?!

Ok, thats my blog for today - back to your regularly scheduled programming. Yay for peanut brittle, the Cancer walk, Advent, the Festival of Lights and being able to be Chrismas Angels. Its going to be a fabulous holiday season !!!!!

5 weeks post op - going back to work

I'm a little nervous, but its good I'm going. I'm 5 weeks post op today, and have been out on leave for six weeks (the week before I was too jacked up on meds and in too much pain to work). I'm off all narcotics and actually off all the headache meds. Only taking my thyroid meds, claritin and sleep meds (my brain cyst was on the pineal gland which is thought to regulate circadian rhythm and sleep/wake cycles so my sleeps been messed up). I'm only taking a half of the sleep pill and up to 3mg melatonin so hopefully soon will be off the med and just on melatonin.

So today I'm up at 4:30am like I'm supposed to be, having coffee headache free - will do a modified workout (still no heavy weights or high impact for a few more weeks at least) and head to the office. I am out of time off - my coworkers donated some leave time so I will get a full check this week but not sure if they went over. I'm supposed to be part time today and tomorrow , back to full time Wednesday - but will see if I have any paid time off and how I feel. My job is a desk job so not like i"ll be running around, but it will I'm sure be stressful after six weeks out. I have alot to catch up, alot of people who will need me, alot of computer work to do.

Another chapter in my life (we're adding brain surgery to the list of weird crap that's happened to me in my lifetime) - big thanks to the mamas at amitymama for their ongoing, loving kindness and support. Prayers from mamas at GCM as well and the Leslie Sansone walk forum. Thank you for emails, messages, cards in my mailbox, small gifts of kindness. And all my friends on facebook who sent pm's, texts etc , and of course to my local friends for bringing food for my family and easing the burden on my husband and big girls - thank you.

Going to do a modified gentle workout . I have 10lbs to lose post surgery with the get well casseroles, feeling sorry for myself ice cream in bed and no workouts for a while- and head to the office.

I think I'm pretty much back baybee!

Headache Free, Brain surgery & free holiday cards ,

For those not on facebook, or those who prefer to read the blog vs reading on amitys or facebook - I am successfully status post craniotomy, yes siree I survived brain surgery lol. I still have all my hair too. They did a posterior fossa craniotomy - stuck my hair in pigtails, shaved about 3" of hair for the incision, stuck an endoscope in with a camera and sucked the cyst out of my brain. Four weeks later I have no headaches and no migraines. I'm still pretty fatigued and sore - I have alot of nerve pain on the side of my head but neurology assures me that will dissipate with time, and if not there are meds for that. And if you so desire, pictures (MRI of cyst) and one photo of the incision site for those daring enough are on facebook under the album "my brain".

I'm off all the narcotics now officially, taking only tylenol as needed. Weaning off the topomax (headache/seizure med) now too. Still taking Klonopin for sleep but upping the melatonin daily in hopes of slowly getting off the Klonopin too so that I'll only be on my thyroid meds and melatonin when this is done!
I have TONS to be Thankful for this year - not only surviving the surgery and being for the most part pain free, but for amazing friends and family who really really helped and prayed and were there for me and my family.

Had a lovely Thanksgiving with family - lots of pictures on facebook if you're interested and one of my favorites below. Alea is 22 months now, talking up a storm and stealing coffee!



Also posting because of this dealio. I want free photo cards this year! lol

http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/

MRI results

Haven't blogged in forever, but can't get to FB on my phone to do a note for some reason today so accessing from the blog instead. For those who've sent me messages re: the MRI and symptoms I've been having - headaches/migraines, vertigo/motion sickness, neck pain etc. I did get a message from my doctor this morning that they found a small pineal gland cyst and are sending me for an MRI this time with contrast (the last time was without contrast). My understanding is that these are generally benign and require no treatment other then to watch them to ensure they don't grow.
I've left a message for my doctor to call me re: the size of the cyst, how they make sure theres not an associated tumor etc. If you can think of other questions I should ask - please send me a message and let me know.

My best guess right now is that they'll continue to treat my symptoms and I'll probably have repeat MRIs to make sure the cyst doesn't grow or move. Continue to treat my symptoms.

I'm going to try to see if I can get the MRI with contrast done today, so I will keep you posted.

Thanks for the ongoing support
Barb

Swine flu vaccine recall

http://www.wxyz.com/news/story/ALERT-Swine-Flu-Vaccine-Recalled/_TbLHKwSGESskZGfKQGkAw.cspx

ATLANTA (AP) -- Health officials are recalling hundreds of thousands of doses of swine flu vaccine after tests indicated they may not be potent enough to protect against the virus.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notified doctors about the recall Tuesday. The recall involves about 800,000 doses made by Sanofi Pasteur. The doses are pre-filled syringes intended for young children, ages 6 months to almost three years.Health officials recommend children those ages get two doses, spaced about a month apart.Health officials say it's not clear how many doses have already been given, but they don't think children need to be re-vaccinated. The lots passed potency tests when they were first shipped, but tests indicate the potency waned after.

So.... what they're saying is that the vaccine was not strong enough, but no reason to revaccinate? huh? So the second dose will cover it? really? I'm thinking NOT.